A General Update

I have so much I want to write about, but it’s not coming out and perhaps it’s not meant to. I need to be satisfied with what I am able to write and not push myself so much to put the latest news out. It’s a fine balance that I’m a little tipsy over lately.

There have been some significant discoveries and re-discoveries lately for me and it’s mostly been positive things. I now have a title to use for Him which makes me laugh with the absurdness of how it all came about—it came to me awhile ago and I discounted it out of a belief that it was a product of personal projection. It seems that this was not the case, as it came through loud and clear via someone else this past weekend. It was a bit of a surprise, but not so large that I couldn’t see it coming. I guess I just needed the final push and proverbial smack on the head. Yes, I’m being a bit coy about what it is, as I don’t feel it’s for public consumption, but, suffice to say, it defines the dynamic between us and makes me happy.

I’ve started to come around to viewing this thing that He and I are doing as an ‘us’ versus a me against Him, which I think it has looked like for awhile. It’s an interesting way to view things, for me. Instead of setting myself against Him, which seems to be what I do naturally at times, It’s an interesting feeling to not be putting up a fight and, if that’s what this is like, I could get used to it.

I have some things I’m working on for Him and I’m trying to tackle these tasks carefully and thoughtfully. Though I know that I will fail at some point, I want to succeed right now and I’m trying to take steps to ensure that. I feel like if I can handle what He’s put before me and do my part, I’ll see more tasks. I can think of a few things that would make me happier than more tasks, but they are few and fairly specific. I like pleasing Him.

It occurred to me out of nowhere today as I was staring at my hands that I wear His marks and that, among other things, makes me His. This is not a revelation but is not something I consciously consider that often, but there it is. The two very visible scars [that no one ever notices, by the way] are my oath scar and a reminder scar, respectively, and both were done of my own free will. I chose to be His, He never forced it, and my continued commitment to this path is marked with every breath I take right now. I’m positive that I won’t be this happy all the time or even this pleased by my own personal choices but, for today, it’s alright. My scars make me happy and I have a lot to be grateful for.

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~ by Alex on February 23, 2012.

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