What I’ve been up to.

I fully expected to have a blog entry up sooner than today, but I’ve been struggling quite a bit with what to write/do. I’ve been feeling SO apathetic spiritually and it’s been hard to find the motivation to do much. I know this is because I’m coming out of a fairly intense depressive episode that has left me just feeling emotionally tired. I also know it’s because I’m about to get super busy with school and I’ve been kind of emotionally battening down the hatches in preparation. It confuses me as to why, when stuff gets hard/stressful, I abandon all spiritual pursuits. I suppose, in some ways, it’s about survival and I start cutting away the things my lizard brain deem unnecessary…but that is another blog entry entirely, I think.

So, what I’ve been doing.

Reading. I have lots of spooky studying to do. I’ve been reading up on Afro-Diasporic practices and my most recent pick-up has been Tell My Horse: Voodoo and Life in Haiti and Jamaica by Zora Neale Hurston. I’ve just started it, so I don’t really have an opinion about it yet. I’ve also been reading up on the history, theory, and practice of rootwork and hoodoo. This history and theories about why it works is fascinating. I’ve been reading Voodoo & Hoodoo by Jim Haskins and Hoodoo Herb and Root Magic: A Materia Magica of African-American Conjure by cat yronwode. This has been kicking me in the back of the head for several years now and I’m just now starting to feel the inklings that I might be okay trying this out without completely fucking it up in the process.

Praying. I’ve been doing a lot of casual prayer and talking at [versus talking with] Mr. Mister. I figure if I can’t hear Him that clearly, it can’t hurt to just talk to Him. More often than not He doesn’t answer back and that’s okay. Prayer is still relatively new to me. I grew up in an environment where prayer was expected, but no one ever explained to me in a way that I would would ‘get’ what prayer was really about. I kind of get it now, but it’s still a challenge.

Writing. I’ve been journaling extensively for my eyes only and that’s something new. I’ve never stuck with a regular journaling process but it’s been a couple months and I’m still going with about an entry a week, if not more. It’s been good to spill on a page and process things for myself only.

Divesting. I’ve been indulging in a favorite past-time which has spiritual ramifications—getting rid of physical stuff. I don’t own a lot, but I still think I own too much stuff. So, I’ve been culling and weeding and throwing away and it feels GREAT. I’d ideally like to be able to fit all of my belongings in a car or minivan, but I own a bit of furniture. Mr. Mister has told me quite clearly that I cannot own a lot and, being that I have previously moved around a lot, this makes sense. I’d rather own my stuff than have it own me. Most of what I own is art supplies that aren’t currently being used, but hopefully will be in the future.

And that’s the bare bones. I have a lot of stuff to do that I’m not currently doing and that needs to be fixed, as does my apathy and lack of motivation. I have a very full plate coming up and I need to find the right balance of activity while still maintaining the right priorities [Mr. Mister, school, relationships, day job, in that order]. I have a few other blog posts percolating and will hopefully write more soon.

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~ by Alex on August 28, 2012.

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