Poly with a God.

So, Boyfriend wrote a really great post over at his blog about what it is like to be in a relationship with someone who is in a primary relationship with a God. I like it lots. I’ve had an enormous amount of hits since he posted that entry and linked this blog, so hi to all my new readers and passersby.

I’ve been considering doing my own take on what it means to be poly with a God and it’s been hard to quantify. I mean, I’ve been poly since I started dating, save for one disastrous monogamous-by-default episode, but I’ve never been in a relationship with a God before and I’ve never been in a relationship with someone like Boyfriend [namely because he is a shaman] before. They’re both pretty special.

I was single for several years before Boyfriend came along and the beginning of our relationship is marked by a mistake I made, which he wrote about in the entry linked above and which I have written about before. I neglected to ask permission to enter a relationship with another human and got in some hot water for that. Though there was and is no excuse for my thoughtlessness, I had no clue that I needed to ask—after all, I’d never needed to ask permission for anything before.

Happily, after much apologizing and promises made on my part and negotiation on Boyfriend’s part, some of which I knew about and some of which was new to me upon reading his entry, Mr. Mister sees fit to allow me to continue this relationship for the time being, contingent upon a number of things.

First, He has to remain first in my heart. One might think this is easy, but it’s not, at least for me. Interacting with Mr. Mister and Boyfriend are two vastly different experiences. One has a body and occupies space, the Other does not. One I can call up on the phone when I want to talk to him, the Other I struggle to hear at almost every turn, though, as noted, it’s getting easier here and there. It’s hard to keep Him first in my heart when He seems so fucking far away most of the time, but that’s what faith and devotion is about, I suppose.

Second, I cannot fall back into old behaviors. I must maintain a healthy relationship or it will be taken away, period. I have a nasty history of codependency, abuse, and general dysfunction where I played second fiddle to an endless stream of absolutely messed-up relationships. That’s not allowed anymore.

Third, I can’t let my relationship with Boyfriend get in the way of my relationship with Him or with my Work. That has to come before Boyfriend and, as I sometimes suck with priorities, this too can be a challenge.

So, how does it actually work?

Right now, it’s both challenging and easy. Let’s go with the easy first..

It’s easy because there is physical distance between Boyfriend and I. I live about eight hours by car from him and we occupy the same space together about once a month. I have my own space and thusly Mr. Mister has His own space—His altar is in my bedroom which I alone occupy and my space pretty much belongs to Him. That is a prerequisite, by the way, of me ever living with another partner—I must have my own space with a door that closes so that Mr. Mister has His own space with me. I hear that this is not uncommon among people who have intimate relationships with Deity.

And that’s the easy.

The hardest part is trying to find the right balance. I was Told quite gruffly from the get-go that this was not about balance, as there was no balance to be found; He is first. With that firmly in mind, I maintain there is still a balance to be found, it’s just an off-kilter balance where the scale is always tipped in His favor.

Finding the balance includes balancing the time spent. Boyfriend and I talk all the damn time; we text daily and there is usually a phone call or two during the week. I can’t text Mr. Mister and I eagerly await the day my radio works well enough that I can hear Him, somehow, in my head.

So, I do other things. I dedicate time for Him, whether I’m sitting in front of my altar or masturbating. I do things for Him, like shave my head and polish my boots and write in this blog. I think about Him all the time, even though that’s not purposeful. I definitely have lots of ‘what would Mr. Mister want me to do?’ moments [I need a bracelet—WWMMD?] and I try to behave accordingly. I try to do what I’m told, even when I don’t like it.

I also try to not let Mr. Mister bleed into Boyfriend Time or Boyfriend bleed into Mr. Mister time. I’ve had limited success, especially with Mr. Mister, as He tends to do what He pleases with me. Boyfriend has a lot more oomph in negotiating with Him not to be present all the time when Boyfriend and I are together, and He has been pretty good about that. It wasn’t like that in the beginning—for awhile He was around ALL the time and even body-hopped once, which was a big surprise to both Boyfriend and I.

And that’s pretty much that, I think. It’s only been about six months, so I imagine more stuff will come up as more time passes. I’m sure I’ll make more mistakes on both sides of the fence. I’m hoping, though, that things continue to go as they have. I feel pretty content and that’s important to me.


~ by Alex on October 27, 2012.

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