Short and sweet.

Things are good.

I just finished the last assignment for this semester and I can finally put my brain on vacation for a little bit. I’m on break for about a month starting tomorrow. A significant amount of my break will be spent in MD with Boyfriend visiting and being present for a surgery that he’s having, but a significant amount of time will be spent with Mr. Mister in the best ways I can manage. It feels harder to spend time with a God when you can’t sense His presence but a zillion people do it every day so there’s no reason I can’t.

There’s been a few interesting revelations in the past few days as a result of some serious interior work aimed at allowing me to be more open to what He has to say, if anything. They’re interesting in that they weren’t what I was expecting and are a bit more restrictive than I expected but they are what they are. I’m not terribly surprised or upset by them, but more interested as to why they have come up right now. I’m not really ready to share what they are, as they’re pretty private. I’m questioning that I got the message or, at least, the tone and wording, correct on one of them and I need some time to figure that out, too.

It’s been really interesting tracking how I’ve responded to these latest dictates from the Man. I really and truly expected to be upset and to have some tears over them, but nothing thus far. There is some lingering sadness, but it’s manageable and isn’t really dragging me down. I suppose part of it was that I was already carrying this particular knowledge in me and just needed the push of confirmation to really swallow it. Of course, a year ago—maybe even less—this would have been a Big Problem. I can see where it might be a Big Problem in the future, particularly when one specific thing happens [yes, I’m being deliberately vague], but I’m not going to project onto the future just yet. I think having more to look forward to than mourn helps a lot, too.

I’m liking this new version of myself. It’s like I’ve opened a door and stepped through and left some critically flawed behaviors behind. I can’t predict it will stay this way forever [and I will admit that going back to what was clearly not working for me is kind of scary], but I’m enjoying the right now.

I have a backlog of posts to write and a whole list of topics that Mr. Mister seems to want covered, so, with my break, I’ve got to kind of kick it into high gear and get some of those posts done.

Overall, I’m pretty content. It’s a nice feeling.


~ by Alex on December 16, 2012.

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