Grattitude In Odd Places And Doin’ Stuff.

Today, on a day when I am painfully lonely, I am grateful for being alone.

I am alone in lots of ways. I live a very detached life where I don’t have a lot of contact with other people. I live in a city where I have no ties besides school and my day job and no friends [and I believe this is for a reason…more on that in a moment]. I work at a job where I regularly only see one other adult and, even then, we don’t interact that often. All of my friends live, at the very least, forty minutes from me and a lot of them don’t get out my way that often. I don’t go out much or participate locally in the communities that I haunt the edges of, either. Mostly, I work, go to school, do my homework, and talk to a very small handful of people on a regular basis.

Part of this is because I am a terrible introvert. I have trouble going out into groups of people I don’t know well and holding my own, which is less about introversion and more about my social skills, but the introversion doesn’t help. A good day to me is staying at home in my sweats and doing stuff around the house and/or homework and/or a blog entry. I’m pretty happy that Boyfriend is a big introvert, too, so that when I see him, it’s not an endless parade of people to interact with—we spend lots of quiet time together and it’s about as perfect as it can be.

The other side of being so isolated is Mr. Mister-inspired. I came to the small city I live in because of Sekhmet and stayed here, in the beginning, because I didn’t have a better plan once that Job ended. I’ve sort of fucked around here for a few years with little but my day job going for me and then school. Otherwise, I keep to myself and to Mr. Mister. I think that’s an important part of my ‘training’ [and I use that word loosely, since it’s never been used before except in relation to one particular aspect of my spiritual practices..] that I be stripped of my previous involvement in communities. He seems to want me focused on the spiritual and has really tuned the radio of my life to that channel, it would seem. Though He was a bit iffy on me dating Boyfriend in the beginning, He seems to have come around because Boyfriend has an excellent God-phone, which He utilizes often. It all ties in together because He is kind of sneaky.

Being alone also means I don’t have much of a spiritual community. There are a loose handful of other spirit-workers that I’m close to, but there’s nothing beyond that. I mean, there’s Asphodel which I am still a member of, but I haven’t been to a ritual or event in forever since it takes gas money and the loss of sleep time to go. That’s mostly okay with me, as I pretty much get all the spiritual input I need from people around me.

I’m also alone in that I don’t know of any other Mr. Mister devotees. If the communities surrounding other Deities can be considered any example, this is probably not a bad thing in the least. It seems like Deity communities are filled with drama, back-stabbing, and general bitchiness and I need less of that in my life, not more. I fucking well know that if there were a Mr. Mister community, I would be in the thick of it because I a) care what people think about my God [as if He needs my defending] and b) I am too opinionated for my own damn good sometimes.

It does get lonely, though. Most of my spirit-worker friends don’t know Mr. Mister and only have what I say or what Boyfriend might say to go on. I don’t really have anyone to compare notes with or whatever. I am not really a giggle-like-a-school-girl type, so that pretty much wouldn’t happen, but, once in awhile when I am feeling particularly lonely, it would be nice to have someone to share the experience of Him with. Boyfriend interacts with Him, but I refuse to spend all my time with Boyfriend talking about Mr. Mister. That’s just outside the bounds of acceptable to me—it’s incredibly rude and un-sexy to spend all your time with one partner talking about the other. You just don’t do it. I mean, He horns in on conversation enough as it is. He doesn’t need any help.

Today, I’m grateful for the opportunity to be alone because it allows me to focus on what He wants and not be distracted by other responsibilities tugging at me. It’s a big blessing even when I don’t think it is.

In other stuff, there has been lots of doin’. I had a dream the other night where I stepped outside my body and then was trying to shake myself awake, which didn’t work because I very clearly was no longer in the flesh. My immediate thought was that I was dead but, well, I’m still on this plane so I’m not dead. Very interesting, to say the least. Nothing like that has ever happened to me before.

I also realized that I am [finally?] being asked to multi-task. It sounds silly, but I was looking at my metaphorical in-progress to-do list and realized I have a bunch of projects/tasks in front of me that are all happening side-by-side. It isn’t a problem except that I sometimes lack the motivation to work on things I need to and that there are not enough hours in the day to do the stuff I need to. Some of it just has to go on the backburner. Like, I so do not have the time or energy to learn rootwork while I’m in school or go to New Orleans. Thusly, some things go on the ‘some day’ list versus the ‘accomplish soon’ list.

Things are pretty good, though. I’m feeling a bit lackluster and reluctant about my life in general but that has nothing to do with Mr. Mister and everything to do with me. I’ve been getting hits on the blog from everywhere, though, and it kind of makes my jaw drop. The blog post on heteronormativity keeps getting posted elsewhere and I’ve gotten more hits on that one entry than any other entry. Tumblr keeps sending people to me, so I wandered over there and created an account so I could see what was being said. Automatic recoil with some stuff, though there were the kernels of usefulness. I’ll probably reblog my blog entries over there, just because.

Once upon a time, I had a feast day/festival day for Sekhmet on my calendar for sometime in August and it has since disappeared. Is there actually a date in August for Her? Does anyone know?


~ by Alex on February 18, 2013.

One Response to “Grattitude In Odd Places And Doin’ Stuff.”

  1. FWIW, you’re not alone in being alone. I live alone. I have two human partners – one local to me and one long distance for now – and other than talking with my mom occasionally on the phone, they are the only people I share anything of my life with. I don’t even have faraway friends. I am often alone at work, and many days I don’t talk to a single person face to face. The rest of my time is entirely spent with gods and spirits. And I also know what it’s like to have one’s most intimate spiritual partner be Someone that no one else is familiar with (though I agree it’s mostly a blessing).

    I won’t say I’m never lonely, but there are definitely benefits. One of which being that I don’t have to balance my spiritwork with a social life (or, more likely, sacrifice a social life for the spiritwork), I am already all Theirs. I have a lot of time to focus in on what’s most important to me. It really can be a good thing.

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