At the Crossroads.

I was going to write a post about gratitude today, since acknowledging the many ways I am blessed is a way that I keep my doubting self in check. I suppose this is still a post about gratitude, but albeit in a different sort of way, maybe.

Back in August, I wrote about how an Orisha had popped Their head up and set Their eyes on me. I had an inkling of which Orisha it was via Him speaking through the mouths of a few people I know and an omen that I asked for, but He said I would learn more and gain certainty via divination by a person who uses methods tradition to Santeria, Lucumi, and/or Ifa. This meant I need to seek out a priest of some sort—either a santero/a or a babalawo who could read the shells or table of Ifa or any of the other numerous ways with which folks speak with the Orisha inside the religion.

I dragged my feet on this for numerous reasons, but the biggest reason has been money. Traditional readers get compensated without question or negotiation. As opposed to the general pagan community [at least in my experience], those who provide spiritual services in African traditional religions are expected to be compensated in a monetary manner and I have been markedly broke since this Orisha first appeared. I was unwilling to approach someone without cash in hand for fear of appearing rude, so I’ve spent my time doing slow, careful research.

In the past few weeks, though, I’ve started looking for community. I am in no way knowledgeable in Santeria/Lucumi/Ifa [or, at least, knowledgeable in a way I would think acceptable], but I have felt that I have armed myself with enough knowledge to at least reach out to someone without making a complete fool of myself. So, I did. I’ve sent a couple of messages out and have received very positive and genuinely kind responses to my asking for direction in terms of where to find people I could learn from.

I sent out one message in particular this past week to someone who I have a tertiary knowledge of—they know people I know—and outlined that I was looking for direction and guidance on what I should do with what has been happening. This person responded that they would absolutely read for me and, when I inquired as to how I might compensate them, they simply asked me to pray for them.

I didn’t give them much information beyond that I thought the unnamed Orisha was speaking with me, what this Orisha had said through others, and Who I thought They were. I left all my personal UPG and supposition out of it because I was more afraid of being told that I was being filled with wishful thinking than anything else.

The santera sent me the results of her divination and session with this Orisha and I was floored. Not only was the general guess of Who this Orisha was correct, but my fleeting thoughts about my relationship with Them were confirmed. The santera also gave me a lot of information about why They were coming to me now and a lot about my life situation that I hadn’t told her and that she could not have gotten from anyone but the Orisha.

I am not too much of a manly man to say that I cried when I read her interpretation of the baraja and the shells, as the Orisha’s message was a huge boon and blessing at this time in my life.

I am thrilled to the point of giddiness that Eleggua has named me His child. It is quite possibly one of the most thoughtful blessings He could give me and with the most perfect timing, as I am facing the possible dissolution of familial relations with my biological parent(s). It is beyond wonderful to have something that I can apply the label of ‘parent’ to that has not treated me in ways that I find unacceptable.

One of the things the santera also said was that He specifically ‘comes in love to lift [me] up’ and that also made me teary. One of my biggest flaws is that I have a serious wall up against receiving love from the Powers and one of the functions [among many] of a parent is to love. I can rationalize away a lot with the Mister and with Sekhmet, but it’s going to be hard to deny the Someone Who has claimed me as His child doesn’t love me in any sort of way. A lot of what the santera outlined as the reasons He has come forward now has to do with love in many arenas and that is a consistent message from many corners of my spiritual life.

He is not asking for any immediate action beyond me developing a relationship with Him. He is asking for time, conversation, and for me to educate myself on Who He is in that I may understand myself better. I was terrified that I was going to immediately get told to start doing things that cost money and, for right now, I’m not. Initiation isn’t a requirement at the moment, but neither is it prohibited and I’m pretty happy about that. It’s kind of a first-thing’s-first situation and the santera who read for me gave me some excellent places to start.

She also says that He explained that He has come forward now because I am in a place of transition and new beginnings and, as He is the owner of the crossroads, it’s highly appropriate that I walk with Him through this. This is nothing totally new regarding transitions, but I expect it’s a little more complicated than I can discern at this point. I mean, what is one hundred percent clear when you deal with the Powers?

It hasn’t escaped my notice that I have somehow managed to cover a lot of bases with the three Powers that now are currently involved in my life. I owe Her more exploration of our relationship, but Sekhmet appears to be the divine Employer, Eleggua has named Himself my Father, and the Mister falls under the heading of ‘Intimate Relationship’. I like labels sometimes and, while I absolutely know that the Mister walks outside of whatever label I try to slap on our relationship, there is security in having the major aspects of my life spoken for. I feel cared for and loved, which is not the easiest for me, and I could not be more grateful for the Mister shoving me in the direction of Santeria/Lucumi/Ifa, Eleggua for being patient with me, and Sekhmet for being Her watchful self.

I have more to do, which excites me. I will formally welcome Eleggua into my life on Monday, which is His day, by doing what the santera suggested. He’s already had a place in my life, but doing things in an intentional way is important. I am going to try and get myself to Mass at the cathedral in my city which coincidentally has a shrine to St. Anthony of Padua, who Eleggua is often syncretized with. I’ve planned on attending Mass for some time, but this kind of seals the deal—I can visit the shrine and light a candle for Him as well. I’ve got an excellent book list to work from and I really am excited.

It can’t ever hurt to have a Trickster and the guardian of the crossroads in your corner, either. The santera noted that Eleggua excels at getting His people in and out of tight situations and boy does that sound nice. Doesn’t mean I get to do whatever the fuck I want—likely far from it—but I imagine that if I am acting in the right or at least in a justified manner, He may have my back. She also noted that I won’t ever be bored, which frightens me just a bit as I have enough knowledge of Tricksters to know that such a pronouncement is not exactly a blessing. Regardless, I’m thrilled and honored and excited and giddy and innumerable other adjectives that He sees fit to involve Himself in my life in such a way. I am the luckiest boy in the world and They continue to astound me with Their generosity and blessings on a daily basis.

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~ by Alex on November 10, 2013.

2 Responses to “At the Crossroads.”

  1. The joy in this post is really infectious.

  2. I’m uncertain how much crossover there is between Eleggua and PL, though I do know there is a good amount, but I do know that you are in for a fun ride. Enjoy!

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