Get up.

It has been quiet on Rock of Eye for quite awhile now. There’s been posts about stuff I’m doing or a few re-blogs, but not too much of substance. That’s not been because there hasn’t been anything going on—quite the contrary—but more because I have largely chosen to be really self-contained lately. It’s been almost a bit of a vacation in some ways, as I have limited a lot of my online activities in pursuit of making more art, engaging more closely with my divinities, and just plain focusing inward. I’ve sat down to write blog posts at least a dozen times and have typed out at least half a dozen entries only to hit backspace on all of them because they didn’t seem quite right in the moment, or felt like things that weren’t important enough to put out into the world.

That’s somewhat been the measure of the last six months for me. Words and how they are used have always been important in my spiritual life and Work, but a heavier emphasis on really saying what it is that I mean and using the correct words to express whatever it is that I want to say or write has been handed down. This is quite unsurprising, as my gods are gods of precise action in the face of what looks like destruction. Everything is measured and weighed before the first ball is put into action on Their divine Newton’s Cradle and words are no different—they carry potential, weight, spoken and unspoken messages, and are the lynchpin that keeps a finely tuned agreement or negotiation in place. Part of really internalizing that concept and using language as rock hammer, versus a jack hammer, is remaining quiet.

This has had really unexpected results, or at least unexpected for me. I have found myself in a place of really profound openness. It almost feels like vulnerability, but not quite—I’m not in a place where being hurt in any fashion is something that is a concern. Instead, it feels like this highly specific sort of connection to things bigger than myself. It would be easy to write that off and say that I am just listening to my divinities more clearly, but that’s the easy way out. Instead, I think I am listening more intently to myself and listening for what I don’t hear coming from me. I’m also listening to what I do and don’t hear coming from others. Sometimes the most important things are unsaid and are not described in words, but take form from silence.

An equally surprising side effect is that I feel really, deeply satisfied with how things are unfolding for me. I have no idea what’s going to happen next, but I know it will fit into my life somehow [or I’ll make it fit because I am stubborn] and I know that no matter what it looks like, it will not be able to crumble what I’ve been working to put together lately. Eleggua put me to the task of learning who and what I am in with the end result being an unshakeable core. I’m quite sure I’m not there yet, but I am already reaping the benefits of throwing myself into that particular swimming pool filled with sharks [maferefun Eleggua every single day].

Keeping in mind that remaining quiet has brought me some really wonderful things lately, what am I doing writing this blog entry?

To be completely honest, I’m not sure. I’m typing this out just before 6AM at my dayjob, which is usually reserved for me reading or, since I’ve been quite sick lately, laying on a couch waiting for the end of my shift so I can shuffle home and go to bed. However, I got that quiet voice at the back of my head that said ‘get up and write’. When I questioned what I could possibly be writing at the moment, I got ‘get up and write’ a second time. I have made it a habit to never have to be told to do anything more than twice by a divinity, so I got up and pulled out the journal and the laptop.

There’s been pages and pages of writing in the journal lately, as scribbling things down in a notebook has proven to be far more organic for me than poking away at a word processor. There are hastily written quotes from documentaries I’ve watched and books I’ve been reading. I read an interview with one of the FBI’s most wanted, who is a self-proclaimed anarcho-environmentalist who has burned down a lot of places and people in pursuit of his ideals, and wrote a note about a large tattoo he has that says ‘it only takes a spark’. There are results from several divination sessions I’ve had lately and the emotional spillage that followed, and underlined and exclamation-pointed questions that came after reading a really terrible scholarly paper. Sometimes my handwriting scrawls at an angle when I have recorded dreams before I am fully awake. Of course, there’s also long entries where I chew on an idea or situation or thought and try to tease out the threads of a solution or plan of action. There are lots of those and I often find myself just having to put the pen down so I don’t write for hours when I should be doing other things.

There’s also a lot of writing to be done, too. There is a running list in Google Docs of blog posts I would like to write, and that list is about seven pages of single sentence topics [I had to look at it to double check and I’m fairly floored that it has gotten so long]. The notebook-journal contains a list of book projects to be working on and each of them has something written for it somewhere. There’s a class I need to write for an event I’m teaching at in a few weeks and a pile of reading to plow through for all of my writing projects.

So, ‘get up and write’.

I obviously can’t cover everything that is on my writing plate in one blog post, and certainly not before it’s time for me to pack it in and head home, but I guess I need to get up and write more often, as there are a lot of words that I’ve been holding on to for the last few months. Here’s to more writing productivity!


~ by Alex on June 3, 2014.

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