5 Things.

I am being way more prolific than usual due to anxiously awaiting the beginning of a new semester. I have far too much time on my hands right now and it needs to be filled, so, I write. I suspect this recent burst of write-and-post will taper off as I get started with schoolwork again.

I was laying in bed post-Mr. Mister time and was considering what I should write next for this blog. I have a whole list of topics that I need to cover, thanks to the Mister, but none of them are particularly appealing to me at the moment mostly because they require a lot of mental gymnastics to write and post and I can’t get them to manifest past the tips of my fingers. So, something different. I realize that there is a lot about Mr. Mister that I don’t talk about here and that it might be kind of cool to get some of that out in the open. With that in mind, here are five things about Him that you might not have picked up from my writing otherwise.

He is a god of negotiation, arbitration, and contracts. If you need a God to help you hammer out a contract, oversee a dispute, or negotiate on your behalf, He’s your Man. He is all about getting the best deal and reaping the benefits of said deal. Boyfriend has interacted with Him in this aspect more than I have, but it’s definitely there. He has a price of course, but He can be reasonable. He is a business man, after all. Interestingly enough, He and I do not have a contract per se. Instead of coming to an agreement about what would/would not be, I essentially just signed a blank piece of paper with my blood. Thus far, it’s worked out for me but I don’t recommend it. Of course, He like it because He’s got my okay for pretty much whatever He wants to throw at me. Thankfully, He has always been reasonable and hasn’t used that against me.

I’ve never seen His face. I have seen His shoes, His suits, His hands, and touched His legs, but I’ve never seen His face. I know that I see Him as olive-skinned or a dark tan, which is a departure from how He is usually seen. Boyfriend has seen His face and says His eyes are full of storms, which makes sense on several levels, but I have not been granted that privilege yet.

He has a wicked sense of humor. Often sarcastic, sometimes sardonic, always cutting. He makes me laugh more than is probably good for me and in situations where it isn’t always a hundred percent appropriate, like, say, at a funeral. It’s not so much humor sometimes as His observations of things are so incredibly hilarious. I am occasionally the source of His amusement, as my flailings are sometimes funny to Him—not funny in a mean way, but funny in a ‘well, would you look at that’ kind of way. He can also be deadly serious when the situation calls for it, but I think He prefers to be able to crack dirty jokes and laugh at my antics.

He is a queer God, as in not heterosexual. I know many Deities have a history of same-sex interactions, or interactions with non-human things, but He is the only one I’ve run into that seems to solely, at least to my exposure, be interested in the masculine side of things. It’s hilarious to me that, in the face that He is often known by, He is known as quite the ladies’ man. He has a TON of wives, both human and non-corporeal, and this makes Him smile in a funny way, at least to my observation. It’s not that He dislikes femininity, it’s that it doesn’t intrigue Him or excite Him like masculinity or, sometimes, genderqueerness does. One of my earliest conceptions of Him was the Kevin Spacey character in Midnight In The Garden of Good and Evil—the perfect society gentleman who will dance with all the ladies at events, but, behind closed doors prefers young men.

He and I have never had sex. Our relationship is deeply sexual on many levels, but it hasn’t been consummated yet. There are several reasons for that—I am not ready for the activities He desires of me and, if I am honest, I am probably not quite emotionally ready to be having sex with Him, though He would not be the first Deity I’ve had sex with. Those first few times did some damage, so I can understand His caution. It’s not that I don’t want to have sex with Him, not at all, but it’s just not time yet. I’m mostly okay with that, though I’ve offered alternate activities than to what He wants and, while it seems to amuse and titillate Him, it’s not all of what He wants. I need to get with it and get physically ready [read: lots of anal play] so we can get down to, erm, business. As a side note, I absolutely hate writing about this part but He insists that I not keep it a secret. I have no idea what His reasons are, but I’ve got to find a way to be comfortable talking about it. Part of it, which is a whole other entry that I’m planning, is that I have seen very few blogs that address the intricacies of Deity sex. There are a few reasons I’ve come up with for that, but, as I said, another blog entry.

So, there are five things you probably didn’t know about Him and now you do!

~ by Alex on January 15, 2013.