The tattoo and other things.

Yesterday was Tattoo Day and, boy, was it A Day.

I was extremely nervous leading up to the tattoo, as I was convinced it was a) not going to go as planned and b) hurt like a bitch. I was not wrong.

We got to the studio on time and the artist [Gordon Staub at Timebomb Tattooing in Frederick, MD] thought the picture I had sent him wasn’t quite useful enough for the design. I wanted a basic outline and the artist suggested using a lot more realism, which, funnily enough, turned out to be what Mr. Mister wanted. Funny how that works.

We ended up needing to go buy a hanky that was tucked into another of the shop’s artists back pocket since neither Del [also known as Boyfriend] nor I were wearing jeans with a back pocket. The picture turned out perfectly, the stencil was made, and away we went.
I am not surprised in the least that it hurt like a motherfucker. I suspected it would because it was spooky, but I also have never had a large tattoo piece done—it’s always been small stuff in easy places. From the minute he started the outline to the last of the color/shading, I was in a LOT of pain. I cried [Mr. Mister wanted tears, so that was good, I guess], I swore, I squeezed Del’s hand a lot, and tried to breath evenly and slowly. After one pee break and three and a half hours, we were finally, finally done. I am thrilled with how the tattoo came out.

And then there was the rest of it. Del was the mouthpiece for Mr. Mister and He was very present. He offered me the opportunity to ask Him three ‘freebie’ questions and get answers. I was surprised and grateful that He was so generous—I hadn’t expected that at all. Apparently, He was rather surprised that I was willing to get the tattoo; He was under the impression that I would not go through with it.

My first question was basically what is it that I am supposed to be working on in the next year? My answer was entirely unsurprising and I probably knew it of my own volition, but it was good to hear it without the noise in my head. I am to continue to work on opening myself up [literally] for anal play and sex, as both a receiver and a giver. I need to reach a place where I can offer that to other people, particularly other gender-odd people, who are in search of an experience that reflects a ‘gay sex’ experience. I have a few events to take part in where that will be particularly needed/effective and I really need to get the fuck on getting my ass in shape. I can’t say this is something I would do on my own, but it’s something that He wants, so He gets it.

My second question was along the lines of is there anything that I am doing wrong or am I straying from the path in any way? What I got back is that I need to do more devotional acts—that I need to devote time for Him daily and do a variety of things. He gave me a list of options that don’t all have to be done, but give me a chance to NOT have to sit in front of an altar every day, which I am not very good at. Writing in this blog and being honest about what it is that I do for Him is a devotional activity, as is shaving my head bare. He was apparently frustrated that I have been shaving it, but not razoring it. Razoring it will happen from now on.

He had very little to say about school, which was a follow-up question, and would just like me to get it done already. He doesn’t seem to understand the idea of money and what that means to me/my life and that going to school will bring me more of that, but I’m working on some Spirit-to-Deity communication which might help in matters. Needless to say, when I start school, I had better not fail any classes and had better finish it in the time period I say I’m going to finish it in, lest He get impatient and/or pissy.

My third question was why me? Why did He pick me and what did He see in me that was of use? I got a variety of things back, including that I am cute and dirty. Some of the other reasons were that, before Him, I did not yet have a purpose and I needed one. That’s comforting in a lot of ways.

I asked Him more than three questions, which He answered without blinking, and the content of those questions really isn’t important. What I drew away from the conversation is that I am important, loved, and cared for and that’s important to me.

Then, later that night, Something Happened.

Del and I were laying in bed being kind of sexy and Del’s hand suddenly went to cover the new tattoo. He’d already touched it before so it wasn’t a big deal that he was touching it again, but it felt like there was some energy work going on. The best I can explain it is that it felt like wisps of smoke were rising from the tattoo. Now, Del has done energy work on me before but he usually asks before doing anything, so I asked him what he was doing.

No response for a minute. Then, ‘who owns you?’. This was odd coming from Del, but the obvious answer was that Daddy owns me [Daddy being Mr. Mister, not Del]. That wasn’t a satisfactory answer and I was asked the same question again. I answered with ‘I own myself’.

I got a tsk-tsk and in that second, I knew I was not dealing with Del. I didn’t have the time or the forethought to ask Who I was dealing with, but it was pretty fucking clear as soon as He said ‘I own you’.

This took place over maybe forty-five seconds and then He was gone and I was left looking at a vaguely confused Del who had no memory of what had just happened.

I have spent a lot of time since then feeling like absolute shit because I did not automatically recognize my God. I feel like a fool that I didn’t open my mouth and ask Who I was speaking with when I wasn’t sure. I feel like an ass because I couldn’t get the answer to the question right.

And, yet, I can see the lesson I was supposed to learn from the interaction. I do not pay enough attention to my own gut feelings when I am around a stronger spirit-worker and I ignore my own feelings in favor of these. Point fucking well taken. When I sensed something was a little off, which was almost immediately because the energy changed and the voice I was hearing changed from what I was used to hearing from Del, I should have opened my damn mouth and said something, even if it meant that I was wrong and it really was Del just being odd [it very much was not]. So, lesson learned, even if it was painful. I really wish that forty-five second visit had not gone like that, but oh well. I can’t control Him or what He does or wants.

The most interesting part of the encounter was that I was not facing Him, I was facing away from Him. I think if I could have seen Del-the-body’s eyes, I would have known in a second that it was not Del. All very intriguing—makes me wonder if that was done for a reason.

And that’s that. I’m very pleased with the tattoo and how it was done, even though it has taken some time for me to get used to. I highly recommend Timebomb Tattooing and Gordon Staub. I’m excited to see where this tattoo leads me, especially as it draws me closer to Him.

~ by Alex on July 25, 2012.